#Update What about Mary-Jane Watson?

1402838651_974444530Blah blah I have not been posting since forever, I have mixed feelings regarding both Batman v. Superman and Suicide Squad, 2016 was a mixed year for the films and I have watched only 16 films in entire year and ugh, whatevs. I need to geek out for a moment.

How about a black girl being cast as the whitest redheaded supermodel in upcoming Spider-Man: Homecoming film? Ugh, this is racist. No, I am not against black people getting the roles of comic book characters that are traditionally white because back in 60’s even showing a white man kissing a black woman was subject of controversy (Star Trek did it first) and all important people are talking about how if the character is not defined by race, the race does not matter if you are showing the traits of the characters well. (Which roughly translates to Luke Cage being black is mandatory, Black Panther being black is mandatory. Useless sidekicks can be of any race. If you could have cast someone yellow and go with someone white people will get angry [Some kung-fu chick in Dr. Strange is being played by Tilda Swinton, the whitest scariest woman ever] and basically you cannot recast minorities and cast white people as anything) I mean, who cares Deadshot being a black guy or a white guy. He is a dude who is shooting very good. the great, late Michael Duncan Clarke was perfect as Kingpin and I remember his mannerisms today as a definitive Kingpin (Well because I might not seen Kingpin since 2003.  Does Marvel prints anything that is small scaled anymore? I think all they do nowadays. Do not get me started with Civil War II)

Back to point.

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Not bitchy and super-model looking enough.

Since Raimi’s and Webb’s Spider-Man movies are relics of past and while Raimi’s trilogy is somewhat being held like a gold classics (again because we were the targeted audience back when it was fucking 2002.) and Webb’s two films were something we pity now. 2017’s Spider-Man: Homecoming (Gawd, I love the name! Even the name is stating what I am about to say) should be the best Spider-Man film ever produced. If it is not poisoned with all the future Marvel film adverts, obligatory Tony Stark extended cameo, look here’s one of the gems of infinity stones bullshit and “here’s Captain Marvel in regular street clothes, please watch our film!” type of even more extended brand advertising and being somewhat of a stand alone film, I thought Spider-Man films coming back to home (GET IT? GET IT NOW?) and what is the first thing that gathers public attention? A black girl being Mary-Jane Watson. Who is a fap material of pimply nerds since 1965. Now when you could make the perfect Spider-Man movie (which in my mind closely resembles 1994’s Spider-Man Animated Series because these kinds of things only the world’s greatest thing when you are a fucking child and no amount of Peter Pan syndrome will bring the good memories of your childhood back but we do not dwell on the past and like updated things with a hint of nostalgia anyway. Pokémon Go anyone?)

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Bitchy looking enough. However, not the Mary Jane we deserve.

This is new Mary Jane. (Also this is an old picture, she is not a redhead now.) Okay, I said updating shit is cool. I always like a new spin on classical things I usually I end up loving covers of songs more then the originals but why the heck we get a ghetto urban girl as Mary Jane?

Okay, just leave her out and actually include a new character called Michele. We would like that. Then incorporate that character to comics (Only to give her superpowers much later which would not stick) and everyone will be happy.

You want to troll the audience and have that counted as fan service? Add a real redhead called Mary Jane and only have 20 seconds of screen time to show how the times change. I mean, new Iron-Man is a 16 year old black girl who is written by a white dude and this is progression. Captain America is ex-Captain America sidekick who is written by a white dude and this is progression. New Thor is a girl who is written by a white dud– let me fact check for a second. Hurm, some dude and the writer is called Jason Aaron, yass– eee and this is progression. Stuff like this makes me want to grow up.

#Update The Joker

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Oh guess what? Something DC posted again caused so much stir. Again. To celebrate the 75th anniversary of The Joker, Suicide Squad director David Ayer has revealed the first official image of Jared Leto as The Joker. Who does not look like neither Batman The Animated Series Joker nor The Batman Joker.

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Also not The Killing Joke Joker, Not beating the hell out of Jason Todd Joker or current New 52 Joker (his face was cut off for a while)

KillingJoke1417784_orig (1) v9sjDtfbyktEA6Oh noes, new Joker also does not look like The Man who Laughs (Victor Hugo’s novel adaptation from 1928 that inspired the character. DID YOU KNOW VICTOR HUGO WAS INDIRECTLY INVOLVED IN CREATING THE JOKER?)

The_Man_Who_Laughs_1928_3-600x450Do you get what i am trying to get at now? Every incarnation of Joker is different. Sure we all would rather see stories and exact characters of Batman The Animated Series over and over again because it was our childhood but some kids knew Joker from Batman: The Brave and The Bold (who has a look and feel akin to his silver age incarnation from 1970’s).

RivalSo, when we are getting Die Antwoord Ninja/Riff Raff/Alien from Spring Breakers Joker in a promo pic, this is fine. we are going to see him in a suit, we are going to see him doing what Joker usually does. He looks even more menacing than Heath Ledger’s Joker already.

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I am on board with this Joker and if how he looks does not throw you off, something is wrong, something is not crazy enough and Leto’s Joker is already crazy and unsettling enough. Stop bickering.

 

#Update #Films Watch all the trailers!

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Since it’s been forever since I have posted, here’s all the internet lately and my sincere opinions of them. (Sincere: we bought a customized lightsaber on my birthday after careful examination and I am still only out of meh -level of excitement for the new Star Wars film.) Also while I am in somewhat negative tone for all the trailers below (except Mad Max and that damn awesome Avengers clip) they all are obvious FIRST DAY- FIRST IN THE LINE viewings for me, bitter cynical tone is a side effect of growing up I guess.

Number 8 – Terminator Genisys

I remember watching Terminator Salvation twice back in 2009 (because I was a little bit intoxicated at first time, also Christian Bale.) Not really exciting even with the plot twist (spoiled in the trailer above) actually looks really risky and daring.  Poor franchise. Can James Cameron get the rights back at some point?

Number 7 – Fantastic Four

Chronicle was the most surprisingly accomplished comic book film of the 2012 in competition with Batman, Avengers, Spider-Man and Ghost Rider (lol) despite its indie, hipster extravaganza while not being an actual comic book adaptation.  For this reason only, I am giving Fantastic Four more chance than it actually deserve. First trailer was really looking like Interstellar sequel and this one feels kind of odd, but Kate Mara is gorgeous, I love the Whiplash dude and yeah.. Let’s see if this is going to suck or not.

Number  6 – Ant Man

Not that there is anything wrong with it but this one looks a little bit generic, silly but fun action flick. Even the trailer is looking like every superhero cliche ever is crammed into one film but we are talking about Ant-Man in a world we never saw comic-book accurate Aquaman. (and will not for the next six to ten years)

Number  5 – Jurassic World

I really want to like this. Call it nostalgia (when I saw the trailer on screen with my friends none of them were amused or excited) or my early fascination with dinosaurs like every other normal seven year old kid, somehow I want this not to be a total disaster. Also, I do not want to see people get bored from Chris Pratt this quickly. (You may want to burn Jennifer Lawrance on a stick and I am totally okay with that)

Number 4 – Star Wars: The Force Awakens

A few years ago, we made it through a six film Star Wars marathon in numbers order. By the time film six, we were feeling we had enough Star Wars for a life time. Now we are going to get yearly Star Wars releases and the first big one really does not do the trick for me. I am more excited for Rian Johnson’s (Looper, anyone?) Episode VIII.

Number 3 – Avengers: Age of Ultron clip

This looks awesome. Only ten days left.

Number 2 – Mad Max: Fury Road

Whenever I get the chance I praise how I love post-apocalyptic stuff  or Fallout games. This is the granddaddy of everything post-apocalypse. The trailer looks perfect. Tom Hardy is a great choice. George Miller’s vision is finally on screen without EVERYTHING CGI. For 2015, this is my most anticipated film.

Number 1 – Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice

Shut up. It’s Batman. I know how depressing is the trailer. I know we, DC is trying to separate our films from Marvel by doing them dark dark dark brooding brooding brooding and SAD. It’s the greatest comic book accurate Batman we ever going to see. Justice League is coming. Tell me, do you bleed?

#Update Upcoming DC and Marvel Films

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Prepare for my non-biased, non-fanboy, not jealous of Marvel and totally objective* initial thoughts of the upcoming Superhero adaptations. As usual, we’re getting 2 to 4 Superhero films each year and some of them really look interesting to watch. Then again, I’ll be over thirty by the time a new Green Lantern movie hits, so let’s see how my thoughts will change over the years.

(*Fuck you, Marvel)

2015:

Before I declare my initial lack of hype for this sequel, let me add that I watched the first Avengers three times at the theatre. For starters, I have never read any of the Ultron series but I know he’s created by Hank Pymm, who we’re supposed to see just two and a half months later but somehow isn’t even in here as a cameo. We’re getting rumors of all kinds of cameos for the next 6 years in this film, so I think we should have him too. Then again, that Pinocchio music at the trailer and recently released “who is worthy of Thor’s hammer” bit makes me more excited than the first. I’m sure this will be a blast. But I’m not that excited for it.

Edgar Wright, sad face. I love Edgar Wright like I love Duncan Jones or Neill Blomkamp. I love how they play with regular scripts and texts and create something fun for people who have already watched way too much movies for their lifetime. So, when he dropped out I felt bad but I know Marvel does fun (Guardians of the Galaxy!) and action way better than everyone, so I guess Ant-Man won’t suck under the helm of Peyton Reed (who?)

2016:

  • Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice (March 25th, DC Comics)

At this point, this film has to redefine everything we know about comic book adaptations. Everyone is ready to attack DC Comics because of the mixed reviews of Man of Steel and any inconsistencies in this film will be open season for shooting. Sure, I am a massive DC Comics fan, I love Batman beyond every other superhero ever (I also love Batman Beyond too) but I can sympathize with the internet. Every single scene should be perfectly executed for this and if its script is worse than the fake script we read six months ago, then even I can’t really defend this movie anymore. But I’m trying to remain optimistic. Because, Batman.

  • Captain America: Civil War (May 6th, Marvel)

This is why Marvel didn’t move their release date when both DC and Marvel slated their films. I was eager to support DC because Cap himself would never stand against both Batman and Superman, but now they have their reason. Civil War series is the only big Marvel crossover event I really loved (I also liked House of M but it was more of a what if storyline without actual continuity and it is widely forgotten now). Sure, not having Spider-Man in it will suck, they can’t just cameo every single crazy side character on screen but Captain America 2 was just great and the same guys are doing this film, so I have all the faith for it.

  • Suicide Squad (August 5th, DC Comics)

Did anyone watch Batman: Assault on Arkham? It was actually a Suicide Squad film with a cameo and I think it was the best DC Animated Universe film to date. They got two years for this but I’m still somewhat skeptical to think DC is going to make this happen. I’m all on board because Deathstroke, Deadshot and Harley damn Quinn are great characters to see on screen. Then we have a bunch of silly ones like King Shark, Yo-Yo, Captain Bumerang.. As a gritty and sadistic anti-hero film, this would be great for my liking but let’s see something, anything, about this first.

  • Doctor Strange (November 4th, Marvel)

All they need to throw in this film is Tom Hiddleston so all the tumblr girls who love him and Cumberbatch would wet their seats so hard, their stains on cinema seats would be there for at least two months. I think Doctor Strange should be a more seasoned guy but who am I to judge, magic realms are pretty meh anyways.

2017:

  • Guardians of the Galaxy 2 (May 5th, Marvel)

WOOOOOO. My favorite “who the fuck are those guys actually” film sequel. First one will end up being a better Star Wars movie than Episode VII probably, so I look forward to this more than that and the Avengers 2.  I even loved their just scribbled upon no-effort title card. 2017 will be a good year for Superheroes.

  • Wonder Woman (June 23rd, DC Comics)

Yay! At least we’re getting the obligatory “the important chick superhuman film or if we don’t all those feminazis and doormats and faggots will shoot us in sight. As if chick superhero films work, meh” movie before Marvel! Marvel’s girl film is way less important than Wonder Woman in every aspect, so I’m kinda glad we’re getting Gal Gadot doing stuff first. (I would get Thor’s Lady Sif instead of her but Gal is divinely beautiful so, eh.)

  • Thor: Ragnarok (July 28th, Marvel)

More Tumblr girl stuff. I kinda liked the second Thor film but a trilogy feels dragging it. He’s not that interesting of a character because he’s not brutally and mythologically murdering everyone he sees. Marvel guys are already exaggerating this film’s importance for setting up the upcoming films so, if it has less of a Tumblr appeal and more hacking and slashing, all right.

Obligatory Black Dude film. I have almost zero interest for this. I loved the concept art, making his fabulous necklace a part of the costume. But I don’t know about his villains and I don’t know anything about T’Challa except he got hitched to Storm from the X-Men and they cannot do that because of Fox so, eh.

  • Justice League (November 17th, DC Comics)

All I wonder is if they are shooting this film with Batman v. Superman or not. Obviously I am more excited to see this on screen more than anything. But in accordance with my other preconceived opinions, I need to see something first. This could be the greatest Superhero film ever done or it can be another Green Lantern all over again. New 52’s opening act for Justice League felt like the most generic hero team up ever, so I hope they’re not adapting that here.

2018:

  • The Flash (March 23rd, DC Comics)

I love the character and read all his New 52 issues so far. The TV series is also growing on me, for I don’t like Green Arrow and don’t want to be left behind anymore. I hope they tackle the Rouges instead of Gorilla Grodd but given that the DC Comics adaptations infamously hate their silly comic book origins, we probably would get them first.

So Captain America will probably die in Civil War and Iron Man will die in this one. They’re already flirting with the option of a full roaster change, so this will be another “see you next year, wink wink” film. It’ll be fucking epic though. After waiting Thanos to kick some ass for five years, it damn sure should pay off.

  • Captain Marvel (July 6th, Marvel)

Ah! Marvel’s sad attempt on “of course girls also can be superheroes but not Black Widow, she’s boring, look, a hot blond who can fly please like us feminazis” the film. Carol Danvers? Blegh. She’s so overwritten and retconned and stuff, no one cares if they reinvent a completely new backstory for her.

  • Aquaman (July 27th, DC Comics)

My favorite non-Batman character! Hooray! I know the old Super-Friends cartoon renders Aquaman pretty useless but he’s a badass in the New 52. From day one (that means 2011) I followed Aquaman with great vigor and I’m on board with using a savage Game of Thrones barbarian bastard as Arthur, too. I love the Throne of Atlantis (That should make Justice League 2, I mean, Justice League Part II will make Justice League 2 but they’ll probably end up sharing a punch contest with Darkseid a bit much further so, I hope for a JL: Throne of Atlantis in 2024 even if I’m married with children. I guess.)

  • Inhumans (November 2nd, Marvel)

Wasn’t the leader of the Inhumans have a capability of screaming so loud? That’s all I care about Inhumans. Let’s see the casting and a trailer and I dunno, a good comic book first?

2019:

  • Shazam! (April 5th, DC Comics)

They have an army. We have a ROCK. ROCK! Rock is the ultimate boy movie audience gatherer. I’m really glad DC bagged him before Marvel tried to use him as Luke Cage and earned another billion dollars on a boring street level character that should only be reserved for TV. (Hello Daredevil) The character isn’t all that interesting again, but The Rock is always nice.

  • Avengers: Infinity War, Part II (May 3rd, Marvel)

By now I said everything about the Avengers. This should be the ultimate comic book adaptation in the event of a Justice Leauge failure. Let’s also see if Bucky is going to make a good Captain America or will they enforce a female Thor in this one. I’m waiting for a great Tony Stark death on comics in this five years and I dunno, a Tony Stark Jr. from some random accident? There probably will be.

  • Justice League, Part II (June 14th, DC Comics)

Oh hooray, We’ll be watching the same film twice in a year. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC. Please make this work DC.

2020:

  • Cyborg (April 3rd, DC Comics)

Obligatory Black Dude film from DC. He doesn’t even has a solo title, how the heck will they make this work aside from countless cameos? We’ll see if I continue to care about this kind of stuff (I probably will, when I was 16, I would think I’d already be a fucking millionaire.)

  • Green Lantern (June 19th, DC Comics)

I hope this will be the Obligatory Black Dude Film 2 but Idris Elba will be a grandparent by 2020. Will we have any new black cool dudes except him or Will Smith? Oh, sorry for my casual racism.

So, in summary, I don’t wanna believe in Marvel but I do, I want to believe in DC Comics but I really can’t. Let’s see together how it’s going to go down.

#update #film #books Gone Girl

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So ‘murricans are already watching this (with $38 million weekend) and we have to wait until friday. (Not to fight with our national holiday juggernaut I guess). When I saw Fincher name is attached, I immediately read its book to prove I’m better than you, so comparisons of the film to book and all that jazz will be in my review.

But to hype you up, I’m sharing the infamous cool girl rant.

“That night at the Brooklyn party, I was playing the girl who was in style, the girl a man like Nick wants: the Cool Girl. Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: ‘I like strong women.’ If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because ‘I like strong women’ is code for ‘I hate strong women.’)
I waited patiently – years – for the pendulum to swing the other way, for men to start reading Jane Austen, learn how to knit, pretend to love cosmos, organize scrapbook parties, and make out with each other while we leer. And then we’d say, Yeah, he’s a Cool Guy.

But it never happened. Instead, women across the nation colluded in our degradation! Pretty soon Cool Girl became the standard girl. Men believed she existed – she wasn’t just a dreamgirl one in a million. Every girl was supposed to this girl, and if you weren’t, then there was something wrong with you.
But it’s tempting to be Cool Girl. For someone like me, who likes to win, it’s tempting to want to be the girl every guy wants. When I met Nick, I knew immediately that was what he wanted, and for him, I guess I was willing to try. I will accept my portion of blame. The thing is, I was crazy about him at first. I found him perversely exotic, a good ole Missouri boy. He was so damn nice to be around. He teased things out in me that I didn’t know existed: a lightness, a humor, an ease. It was as if he hollowed me out and filled me with feathers. He helped me be Cool Girl – I couldn’t have been Cool Girl with anyone else. I wouldn’t have wanted to. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy some of it: I ate a MoonPie, I walked barefoot, I stopped worrying. I watched dumb movies and ate chemically laced foods. I didn’t think past the first step of anything, that was the key. I drank a Coke and didn’t worry about how to recycle the can or about the acid puddling in my belly, acid so powerful it could strip clean a penny. We went to a dumb movie and I didn’t worry about the offensive sexism or the lack of minorities in meaningful roles. I didn’t even worry whether the movie made sense. I didn’t worry about anything that came next. Nothing had consequence, I was living in the moment, and I could feel myself getting shallower and dumber. But also happy.”

and here are the girls who I forced to read the book over the summer. (Actually one of them read it even before me but we do not welcome book worms here, can you guess which one is that?)

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#update #tv Upcoming TV Shows, pt. II

EMPIRE_CAROUSEL_DESKTOP-carousel-1400x386Just one day from my previous post, Hieroglyph is cancelled (before it premiers, which is probably the saddest thing I ever see, they picked up the pilot and dropped it, hard..) and Community is alive again! (Mixed feelings, mixed feelings.. but prophecy  #sixseasonsandamovie motherfucker.) So I need to replace it with..

A SERIOUS RAP EMPIRE DRAMA without any white dudes. Seriously. From days of no black individuals to be red shits or something to today. Series probably will end up needing more bewbs, tho..

#update #tv Upcoming TV Shows

You're_the_Worst_season_1_posterAlas, we’re free from How I Met Your Mother! (and it’s supposed spin-off) We lost Community along the way but we have Silicon Valley now. That’s something. So, now we need some series to watch from day one to brag about how we’re fellow fans since the beginning and act out hipsterly. I’m going to help with upcoming TV series that captures my interest. You will get the bragging rights.

Tyrant: Devil’s Double without Saddam and with more soap opera. Son of a dictator runs to USA and comes back to do.. stuff.

Constantine: Angels and demons and other shit. Without Keanu Reeves, which is a nice thing.

Married: Awkward jokes! Failing marriages! Mistresses! Having fun with dead babies!

Hieroglyph: No, it’s not Starz so not graphic bewbs but girls are kissing in the trailer. You get Spartacus but with Egyptians! If this is somewhat a hit, we’ll probably get a dark and gritty Stargate reboot sooner. So, why not?

You’re the Worst: You saw the banner up there right? This one is my favorite.  Two extremely annoying and pompous dysfunctional people decide to hang out together. (I’m not going to say date of course). Guy one is Briton and charming and stuff girl one is DAMN CUTE and DAMN SMART and DAMN RIGHT AMOUNT OF A SLUT and technically, better than every other girl I know (sorry.. Girls?)

#Update #Games Assassin’s Creed Unity

10383595_1418592205089000_7754041152298682765_nMy Watch_Dogs gameplay suffers from frame rate losses and I’m still wandering aimlessly to complete more of the stuff. But for this.. I would buy tons of RAM’s if necessary. Also, I’ll probably end up buying HYPER NERD EXPENSIVE EDITION WITH STATUE PS4 EDITION for the sake of it and all of them McFarlane action figures, too. Heh, this made me buy a Lorde song already. Which was originally a Hunger Games OST. Assassin’s Creed + French Revolution. Make the sequel in Egypt or Japan or Space, This probably will end up my favorite Assassin’s Creed game, period.

Watch the damn Cinematic E3 trailer now.

 

That goosebumps, bro.