#film #stuff Every Single Superhero film since Batman ‘89

a-visual-representation-of-superhero-movies-post-batman-1989Ali Gray of theshiznit.co.uk recently made a visual representation of post-Batman superhero movies and when I asked on Twitter, he allowed me to use them.  I like comic book movies, right?  Here’s an opportunity for briefly talk about ALL OF THEM. Come dear reader, a timeline of my childhood with superheroes:

But first, let me hijack this article. I have been silent enough. I am Arman Guvenc, the guy who is credited as the editor of this site. Well, to be honest, all I do is to correct Aral’s disregard for the language of English and make his mindfuckingly fast and furious chain of thoughts readable and easily understandable. No more! I have my infuriating opinions as well after all. And there won’t be any more fitting opportunity than an article like this. So bear with me, won’t you. Promise, I am not as big a troll as he is. 

super-1989

Yaay, controversy. I am a lifelong Batman fan and I still don’t like this film that much. The portrayal of Batman was totally off. I didn’t appreciate Nicholson for years and it was more usual Burton non-sense than epic.

This is the first film I remember being obsessed about. I was a little nerdy kid without any cinematic knowledge to judge the good or bad qualities of a comic book adaptation. I just enjoyed the kick-ass superhero with cool black leather cape and colorful yet make-you-pee-your-pants level scary villain that made me rethink my approach to people that constantly smile. Creepy. We had a VHS player that could record from a live feed, so I memorized all the Turkish dubbed lines thanks to a local TV channel. I still remember the day I began disliking my father less for taping some fucking football match or whatever on that tape. Damn it!

super-1990

Never watched Darkman. J.D Salinger’s son’ low budget Cap was more like a Face Palm the Movie. Yikes.

I watched Darkman when I was going through Sam Raimi’s filmography and found it to be edgy, enjoyable and understandably dated. Wouldn’t mind seeing it again actually, it’s in my DVD collection somewhere. Captain America… Who doesn’t like a cheesy 90’s action movie? You know it!

super-1991I watched this on Cine 5 (first subsciption-based television channel in Turkey. Before the age of intertubes, this beast showed how awesome you are) and liked it when I was in my teens. Now when I see a gender-swap cosplay I giggle and wait for a dark and gritty reboot with miniskirts and boobs.

super-1992

I like contradicting myself. I don’t like the first film because it’s a Burton-freak-show but I like this one way better when it’s actually Burton-freak-show on ‘roids. I guess I like cats and girls?

His Batman movies came  before I began hating Burton for his carbon copy so-called edgy and original films and his insistence to use the ever boring performer Johnny Depp in every fucking movie. So I have fond memories of his past. This movie is no exception. I think he shot great Batman movies. Michael Keaton was the best Bruce Wayne, although I can’t say he is the perfect one. That guy is still out there somewhere. No, I am not looking at you Batfleck. At least, not yet. I remember being scared by Catwoman’s origin story and Penguin’s penguins. The other thing I remember distinctly is that I never, not even once, wished Joker was also in this movie. We can’t say that for the Nolan films, right?

super-1993This year is deliberately registered for Jurrasic Park.

super-1994I don’t remember anything about The Crow and I never watched The Shadow, too. I remember they mocked Batman Begins for their similarities though.

super-1995

I LOVED BATMAN FOREVER. IN 1995. You can’t actually really read homoerotic undertones when you’re seven years old.You would only want the toys and if you were lucky, you would also get the toys. I had almost all of the Batman the Animated Series action figures when I was a kid. So, yes. I was lucky. This is also the reason I’m still eager to buy more toys even if I’m fucking nearing towards thirty. Oh, the Power Rangers movie? Another Cine 5 miracle. Though I was never that much of a fan.

Let me take this opportunity and announce that we had Cine 5 at our house too! I wasn’t always the poor little not-rich-anymore boy, see? Batman Forever is of course the better Schumacher film and I remember not hating it. But that might be because I love Jim Carrey and The Riddler. And for some reason I found Robin cool. Schumacher wasn’t jerking off to his superheros’ suits yet, at least not visibly. And his Gotham was visually interesting for a seven year old who is obsessed with Burton’s Batman films but hadn’t realized Gotham was a fictional city that is quite open for wacky interpretations.  For some reason, I loved Power Rangers. Perhaps it’s solely because it was on the aforementioned Cine 5. We pay, we like, ain’t that right? I had the toys, I had the 5 piece giant robot and all. The movie, I remember liking though I can not recall any specific plot points or scenes from it.

super-1996

Still no love for the Crow. I liked the Phantom on Cine 5. Boy, they were amazing.

I had only two bonding opportunities with my father. Playing PC games and going to the movies. So I took my chances whenever I could. Phantom was one of the comics he read as a little boy and he was strangely excited and happy to watch this movie. To me, his costume was the un-coolest ever, his hideout must have had many spiders and moles and stuff which I couldn’t possibly envy. But I remember really liking the movie, especially the third act. I never wanted to read or know more about the character though, so that says a lot. Oh, also. I remember my dad trying to impress me by proving he knows his nerdy stuff and saying the guy who plays the Phantom in this movie was Clark from Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. No, he was not. That was the perfectly cast Dean Cain! What fun!

super-1997

I’m not sure about the Power Rangers sequel. I didn’t like Batman and Robin even when I was a kid but Spawn was great. AND ITS’ ANIMATED SERIES (Again on Cine5, I feel I kinda dedicated all my childhood to them and I wasn’t some nerd boy who refused to go out either. Heh.) GAWD, THAT SERIES WAS THE AWESOMESOUCE. AND TWO GIRLS OLDER THAN ME CAME TO MY HOUSE TO WATCH THIS AT MY SUMMER HOUSE. MY PARENTS WERE OUT. I WAS THIS CLOSE FOR A THREESOME (for kissing, I actually failed to act on it, of course.) Also I liked Steel when I was a boy, too. It was cool.

Here we are. The movie that killed a franchise. The movie that made me first question the women who almost faint when they hear Clooney’s name. The movie that made Uma Thurman my childhood object of desire. (This and the only-loved-by-me 90’s movie The Avengers)  Batgirl was lame, Mr. Freeze was lamer. Even then I knew his puns were shitty as hell. Schumacher was let off the hook and he came all over Gotham and his characters. Of course as a kid I enjoyed this movie enough. I had the soundtrack and loved the Smashing Pumpkins song that was recycled for a Watchmen trailer years later. But now I can’t sit through all the Bat-Cards, nippled suits, awful dialogue and horrible plot. Oh, who thought Clooney could be a good Batman? He has such a creepy chin with that crooked smile on top, he could never fool anyone with his “secret identity”.  Watching Spawn was cool. Reading Spawn was cooler. Thanks to a Turkish publishing house, we got the chance to do so. I loved Spawn. It was my first “adult” comic book. Spawn the Animated Series was my first “adult” TV show, which I watched secretly because if my mom found out she would turn into an even uglier monster than the Clown. I liked the movie a lot. It was weird, the costume was breathtakingly cool, the Clown was how he supposed to be, disgusting! I wouldn’t mind a reboot right about now, I miss the dark story and the character. Writing about it made me want to watch the movie once more.  

super-1998I think this was over-praised.


super-1999

The year for Matrix, I guess..

super-2000

Oh, the age of cam quality bootlegs and chinese subtitles and half-arsed Turkish subtitles. 2 bucks for a film and not understanding almost anything. How I DON’T MISS YOU. First X-Men was great at the time. I don’t remember caring for Shama Lama Ding Dong even years ago.

To this day, I still think Shyamalan’s best movie is Unbreakable. I absolutely loved this movie when I saw it in the theatre. I watched it once more along the way and have very fond memories of it. I guess I am afraid to watch it again for fear of disliking it. Now, the main course, the film that launched the modern mainstream comic book adaptation craze. I am so glad this movie came out as good as it did. And I would be a bad Whedonite if I didn’t mention Joss Whedon was the script doctor for this movie and he is the one who is behind the famous “I am Wolverine. / Prove it! / You are a dick.” banter. He is also responsible for the infamous toad and lightning line but that’s on Halle Berry more than anyone else. Anyway, I loved the team. I loved the structure. I remember my younger than me next door neighboor, who was conveniently my best friend because of his “nearness”, leaving the theatre because he found out the movie’s age limit was not appropriate for him. Idiot! Of course I didn’t know how impactful this movie would turn out to be. But I knew it was something special. It felt complete, well realized and well acted. Recent rewatch revealed that it feels dated a little, but it is forgiveable. 

super-2001This year doesn’t have any significant movie for me. 1993 and 1999 was lucky.super-2002

Even in 2002, I kinda wondered why they didn’t use Spider-Man theme song from the animated series. (Mind you, ‘93 Animated Series, I didn’t know it was a remix of a classic one and they finally used it in The Amazing Spider-Man 2) I didn’t like Tobey Maguire for Spidey, he wasn’t.. cool. Like the animated series. (Years later I learned to appreciate that it was supposed to be exactly like this though. Damn you, The Amazing Spider-Man 1.)

Spider-Man is my favorite comic book character. I would have loved for my favorite character to be this cool, unheard of and edgy indie superhero but here it is: I love one of the most mainstream characters of the nerd-verse, shoot me!… With webs. This movie blew my mind. I remember doing the web shooting motion and pretending to swing through my house for weeks after seeing how cool Spidey looks doing it. I never liked Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker and still wish it was Jake Gyllenhaal in the role. But Sam Raimi was and still is the perfect director for the gig of directing Spidey. He got the character. He perfectly blended the campyness and light-heartedness of the comic books and injected some adulthood to the whole thing. The cast was perfect. Even Franco and Dunst is praise-worthy, go figure. I’ve seen this movie many times, wrote many things about it. Aral has an invitation to watch Nolan’s Bat trilogy. I have an invitation to watch Raimi’s Spidey trilogy. Believe me, we’ll have much much much more fun. My number is- Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll watch the whole damn thing alone and scream and cheer like there is no tomorrow. super-2003

I watched X2 several times due to owning it on DVD and not having broadband internet speed for a year. So it was a favorite of mine for a while. Hulk put me to sleep even in ’03 but I still enjoy seeing the comicbook-y cutscenes even today. Daredevil was amazing back in the day. Sure, we liked Evanescene and Linkin Park and other shitty rock groups and buy shitty mp3 compact discs (A techology for dinasours) but for hormones and stuff, they were fun. I loved The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, too. It was filled with literary characters for proto-hipsters! Dorian Gray was a bad guy! I still would hype for a sequel 11 years later.

X2: the best super hero film of all times, until 2004 that is. Nightcrawler-loose-in-the-White-House scene is still one of the best openings of all time and Alan Cumming is phenomenal in the role. The focus on Storm (thanks Monster’s Ball) is irritating but the team is still intact and as great as ever. New mutants are fun to get to know. The plot is the best out of the trilogy. It’s Bryan Singer’s best movie and it is hard for him to top this, as much as he tries. Hulk: the arthouse superhero movie that had every kid fall asleep in the theatre and made their parents scratch their heads. I never liked Eric Bana but clearly Ang Lee had some great ideas for the character and for what a comic book movie can be. I don’t blame him for trying to make something different. It just doesn’t work, at all. Not as bad as we remember, but still. Another movie that is not as bad as we remember is Daredevil, especially if you watch the Director’s Cut. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are great. The suit, Colin Farrell and the Kingpin? Not so much. Daredevil is my second favorite comic book and I am beyond excited for the upcoming Netflix show. And I am said this movie is as underrated as it is. It really isn’t that bad. 

incredibles (1)

Ah, the pinnacle of Superhero films. I still have a Spider-Man 2 poster in my room and at the time, this was the best damn superhero film that could ever be made. Also this is the year of broadband speed internet so no more spending hundreds of dollars for comic books! I can’t stress enough how I read tons of comics in this era. I passed Halle Berry’s Catwoman  and still don’t care (though I skimmed through it later). Blade Trinity wasn’t as awesome as the second one. Punisher did not make any sense. I was baffled how they weren’t able to make the most clichéd B-movie film work. Hellboy was interesting. The Incredibles, eh. I’d much rather watch a live action Fantastic Four. (Uh-oh.)

What a crowded list of superhero movies?! This year would have killed the superhero craze if it weren’t for Spider-Man 2 and The İncredibles. Two perfect movies that are great even in comparison with other, more serious genres. I can’t say anything bad about Spider-Man 2. It is Raimi’s best movie and to this day I can argue it is the best comic book adaptaiton, although my love for other and more recent movies might temporarily surpass my love for Spidey 2. One thing I am certain is that the train sequence is the best action sequence, ever! Period. Remember the days when Pixar was untouchable and had perfect movies, one after another? Seems so long ago, but we lived those days and we are lucky for it. The Incredibles took the comic book genre, put its’ own spin to it and created something magical and a lot of fun to watch. I am not crazy about a sequel though. Enough with the unnecessary sequels, Pixar! Even though I dislike Halle Berry and I hated this movie, we have to give credit to Warner for trying to make a female let superhero movie work. It just didn’t and it’s not because it was led by a woman. If only Hollywood would realize it. I never liked Del Toro movies and Hellboy was no exception. I just can’t get in his movies and me not liking the comics didn’t help either. Still, I recognize it as a good adaptation of its’ source material. P.S.: All I remember about Blade Trinity is Ryan Reynolds and his abbs. The  priceless realization of the goofy guy from Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place having abs and if so, so can I! Well, I can’t.

super-2005

I didn’t watch Elecktra, too. Which is weird, because at the time I followed Brubaker’s Daredevil like crazy. AAAAND MY FAVORITE SUPERHERO FILM EVER IS PRESENT RIGHT HERE. BATMAN BEGINS. NOT THE DARK KNIGHT AND NOT THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. BATMAN BEGINS WAS THE GREATEST. IT WAS DARK AND GRITTY AND REALISTIC AND BADASS AND AWESOME AND JUST GREAT. I memorized all of its’ lines. You can test me if you want to. I would never say no to watching Batman Begins again with a friend. This being said, I want to make a Nolan trilogy marathon soon. Applications are accepted, now. Oh, The Fantastic Four. We were forced to see it dubbed at the theatres and for this, we didn’t get the first three sentences (me and my buddy were focusing on not reading subtitles at the time) and when the reboot of FF was announced I tried to give it another go. Boy, this one is incredibly dated. Now, the reboot’s director isn’t going to follow the comics and he actually said they won’t be in costumes and Kate Mara doesn’t have to read any damn comics and as usual comic book nerds are enraged, but come on! Kate Mara is hot! So they have their changes approved by me and Chronicle is better than almost every other film on this list. Ehm, next subject. Constantine. Not bad.  Nothing to obsess over. I don’t like its’ new leaked TV series plot that much too. I have no idea what the fuck is Sky High.

Props to Fox for trying a female led superhero movie. Elektra didn’t work either but my love for Jennifer Garner allowed me to enjoy the movie more than it deserves. I liked Fantastic Four, it was kiddy action-y fun. I loved Chris Evans as Johnny Storm and I am still pissed he got to play two Marvel characters even though he is the perfect Captain America. I am just… Do you know you win a trophy called “Do I Know You?” in Lego Marvel Superheroes if you get Human Torch and Captain America near each other? So fun! Fox wanted to have a comic book movie that left behind the seriousness and the darkness of X-Men behind and appealed to kids as well. They forgot to make a good movie in the process, which is a shame. Constantine was enjoyable enough and although I don’t like Keanu Reeves as an actor his Constantine was really good. Unlike Aral, I am excited to watch the fall series and it is one of my favorite pilots for the 2014-2015 TV season (of which I watched almost every pilot).  I know, I know. Everyone’s waiting for my Batman Begins comment. I love it. It is the best Nolan Batman movie, by far! Can you imagine a movie in which Katie Holmes is not horrible? It is THAT GOOD! It even makes a-chore-to-sit-through superhero origin story interesting, what more it can do. If only Nolan could follow up his perfect first film with better ones. Wait for it, we’ll come to that.

super-2006

This was the first year I wondered if I was ever going to get bored with superhero movies. I didn’t like X-Men: The Last Stand. As my comicbook taste was better than it was ten years ago  I was now a full-on DC Comics fanboy and found Superman Returns a tad dull for my taste. I don’t know what Zoom is.

I am not going to dive in the deep well of gossip but I find it immensely funny that Singer left X3 for Supes reboot and Brett Ratner who was in consideration for said movie took over The Last Stand. Both movies turned out way worse than we could ever imagine. X3 has Ellen Page in it, so it gets a lot of credits from me just for that. And I actually really like the idea behind the movie. But boy, is it badly directed and mediocrely acted?! Sad to see a would-be-great trilogy end on a sour note. Superman Returns was never going to work. The casting was god-awful. The idea behing it was just as awful. I never liked Superman as a character, so I am not one to judge fairly but this movie never did anything for me to change my mind. It gave me a Peeping Tom Superman. 

How can you forget V for Vendetta? (And yes I am the one who can edit any post any time… -akin)

super-2007

Ghost Rider is one of the coolest looking characters ever. Nicolas Cage is an interesting dude. The film had all the reshoots and stuff. I bought my Ghost Rider action figure. This was enough. I didn’t immediately hate Spider-Man 3, too. Sure, that dancing scene was laughibly bad and destroyed the entire franchise and I really would prefer a small Venom cameo just to set it for the sequel but it was the studio’s decision and it’s over. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer was, too, a comicbook film. With giant clouds as a great world eating God like entity.

COME, COME SEE BLIND FANBOYISM AT ITS’ BEST! I actually like Spidey 3. I REALLY DO! I even think the infamous dance sequence is genious and it is exactly what it is supposed to be. I am not going to deny, Sony fucked this movie up bad. And I blame Raimi for not being ballsy enough to fight for his vision after two record breaking blockbusters. But still, this movie is fun. It is the last time we see J.K. Simmons as Jameson, which is the best casting ever, the action sequences are great, Sandman’s birth scene is cool to watch and it is also tear-inducing, no shame! Black Suit is cool and it is nice to tie up the Osborn storyline after three movies. It has its’ bad moments but overall- shut the fuck up! It is not bad! Anyway, I hate many actors. But I don’t hate anyone more than Nic Cage. For some reason, I can not stand him. But I watched Ghost Rider. It was my first Blu-Ray disc when I bought my PS3. (Thanks dad, for choosing a shitty film over buying me the Spidey trilogy) It is safe to say I didn’t like it. But yeah, Ghost Rider is one cool looking bad ass, I’ll give you that. Fantastic Four 2 is what it was supposed to be. A same-old-same-old sequel. It was bad but not too bad. However, I am glad they opted not to go through with a third movie. A reboot is what FF needs.

super-2008

Shit, 8 Films? I watched every single one of them at theatre. Iron Man was perfect. The Dark Knight was the single most hyped film I ever lived to see (6 times in the theatre, first four on its’ first week) The Incredible Hulk was great, too. Too bad Marvel Studios erased everything about it. I liked Jumper. Though I guess I never watched Hayden Christensen on screen again. Wanted’s comic book was way better than its’ film adaptadion. Hancock was fun. Hellboy II was better than the first. Punisher: War Zone was never in our theatres but I LOVED how it felt as Punisher MAXX comics and even though it was universally hated, The Spirit was fun, too. A great year.

2008 is a special year for me. I probably managed to hide it until now, but I am a huge Marvel fan. And this is the year that launched the unparalleled Marvel Cinematic Universe. Iron Man was perfect. The Incredible Hulk was great and its’ poster is still among one of my favorites. Could you imagine Robert Downey Jr. and Ed Norton as superheroes. I couldn’t either. But they pulled it off. They pulled it off really good. These movies prove how important getting the source material and trusting the audience is. No hand holding, no kiddy bait. Just pure comic book greatness. I love Angelina Jolie. And I love James McAvoy. Wanted was one fun action movie that I couldn’t get enough. I still watch it and many oohhhs and aaahss still come out of my mouth. It’s a childlike experience, a kindergarten kid shouting “Cool!” at the top of his lungs. Curving bullets. They are curving the fucking bullets, people! Now, The Dark Knight. I have no beef with it, on the contrary, I quite like it. But c’mon, it is not a Batman movie. It is a Joker movie, which would be fine if you people would accept it already. And if Warner did market it as such. People were fooled into a Batman movie and watched a crime epic starring a psychotic clown. They were burned in a way, and they would be burned much MUCH worse a few years later. So it’s ok, I’ll allow this one. It still had good ideas for Batman, even though it fucked them up in the expense of its’ “cool” villain stories. 

super-2009

Again, opinions. I love X-Men Origins: Wolverine more than the other entries in the X-Men franchise. It was fun and campy and it leaked on April 1st without complete CGI. It was a fun experience and when it’s finally in theatres the finished product wasn’t any better. Still fun. With my favorite two Marvel chracters. (Even though one is FUBAR’ed and still dead. Poor Deadpool.) Watchmen is still the reason I trust Zack Snyder. An unfilmable comic series that I still can’t argue that I completely understand its’ references and smartness. I don’t know what Push and Paperman is. No Marvel/DC Comics, no love.

This is my nerd epic fail moment. I watched the leaked version of the Wolverine movie and never bothered to see it in theatres with the finished CGI. I am ashamed. But I own it on Blu-Ray and yes, it is crap. So my shame is reduced to a manageable level. It screams cash grab and the movie shows it. It has no solid purpose to serve in the X-Men movieverse and non of the new characters are good enough for us to want to see again. No surprise here. I have a love/hate (mostly hate, almost all hate) relationship with Zack Snyder. I liked Watchmen and like what he did with the material and the world he envisioned (or carbon copied or whatever). Still, it was overblown, overrated and too long. It was all show, no tell. No emotions whatsoever. But still I liked it, which is why this movie is weirdly appealing. 

super-2010

Oh, The Avengers Tease – The Movie. Not bad, not worth watching again. Kick-Ass probably needs love from me sometime, even though I read the comics I never actually watched it. Oh, Jonah Hex was TERRIBLE.

Iron Man 2: The only close-to-bad MCU movie. I loved the introduction of Black Widow and Coulson is great, of course. But that final act. That anti-climatic final battle. Ugh. I was so disappointed. Kick-Ass is one little, silly, cute, violent as fuck film and I love it. The fearless cast is great and the fight scenes are cool as hell. Jonah Hex is another movie that powers that be conceived to end Megan Fox’s flourishing movie career. Shut up, Jennifer’s Body was great!

super-2011

Perfect year for Marvel. Thor was great. Cap was greater. X-Men: First Class is the best damn one, ever. I dozed off in Green Hornet and woke up in the final act. Such a poor film. AAAAAND Green Lantern. It killed an entire space pope action series and left the throne for what.. Nova Corps? Oh, not Nova corps. Even more unheard of a series. Guardians of the Galaxy from Marvel. Eh, I hope they pay enough money to Idris Elba to become John Stewart as GL or the Rock. DO MAKE ANOTHER GOOD GREEN LANTERN PLEASE.

Perfect year for Marvel, indeed. I never liked Thor and didn’t expect to like the movie as well. I was doing my obligatory army service at the time and this was one of the two movies I saw during it. (the other one was the other Portman flick of the year, Black Swan) Needless to say, I loved it. I was hungry to “watch” something, anything, and to be honest I think I would have even like Green Lantern if it came to that.  But it didn’t, and Green Lantern was crap, and I was devilishly happy that it bombed. Suck it, DC! Anyway, I wrote about my dislike of Evans’ casting as Cap but he does such good work here, I can’t find anything bad to say about it. I am psyched for the Agent Carter series that is coming this fall and trust it to continue the great period spy stuff we saw here with newly added Howling Commandos and all that. I love Seth Rogen so I really liked Green Hornet. It was different, it was funny and for a guy who don’t know anything about the character, it was enough. X-Men: First Class had a perfect cast. McAvoy, Fassbander and Lawrance… Are you kidding me? I couldn’t have come up with a better cast myself. And it worked. It really did. The movie, the script, the cast, the action sccenes, the atmosphere, the costumes… Everything was great and it launched a great franchise that would make us crave the next instalment. Even though “allegedly” child-abusing, can-not-direct-a-good-movie-for-years-for-the-life-of-me Singer directs it. 

super-2012

The  Avengers is why I’m pissed at DC Comics. It’s great. ‘Nuff said. The Amazing Spider-Man was shit. Fuck its’ action and its’ promise to tell the untold origin story gimmick. A director who is famous for a cute hipster love story and he fails at awkward superhero love story. Meh. I’m an eternal advocate for The Dark Knight Rises. My invitation for a Nolan trilogy marathon still stands. Call me. Oh, I loved the Crank films, they were borderline drug addict crazy! I wanted to like Ghost Rider 2, but all I remember from it was how I felt like I breathed in gasoline during the entire film. That’s supposed to be cool cinematography, right? Also, Chronicle kicks almost all of those films’ asses. Max Landis for the President!

This is the year the whole world kneeled down before the genius that is Joss Whedon! Although I admit it has a slow start, this is the perfect summer blockbuster. I might have never laughed so hard watching a movie, ever. He got all the characters right and for the first time he made Hulk cool and interesting, which is a huge accomplishment in and of itself. Although I am dying to see original stuff from him, can’t be more happy that Whedon is overseeing the Marvel Cinematic Universe for the foreseeable future. It is no wonder MCU is great and other studios continuously fail to copy its’ success. For example: Sony. What a bad movie The Amazing Spider-Man is?! The cast is good. At least the leads. But the script, the decision to go back to Spidey’s origins and putting in so-called dark and gritty stuff to make it contemporary… They are all awful. My love for the character could not possibly salvage this mess. And the second one is even worse, but we’ll get to that. At least this tells a smaller story and it manages to do so in some accounts. Like Aral said, Chronicle is much better than many of the movies on this list and it is my favorite found footage film, along with equally awesome Cloverfield. Now, The Dark Knight Rises. The movie that made Nolan movies unworthy of my hype in one go. What a horrible mess this movie was. I am not going to repeat myself and many others by saying that there is no Batman in this film. It is obvious and thus, not worth mentioning. But this movie is full of plot holes, bad ideas, so-called deep moments and bad, bad acting. Oscar winner Marion Cotillard in one of the worst death scenes ever shot. I can’t believe no one thought of taking another take of that shit, so funny! A superhero taking time to drawing flaming bats when his city is falling. Bale at his most bland, boring self. Characters incorporated for future sequels, probably dictated by the studio. A hard to understand villain, and I am not talking about his voice, just his philosophy and plan. Surprises that you can see even if you are blind as a bat. (this is not a bad pun, it is an awesome Lego Movie reference, okay?) If I wasn’t a completionist I would never see this movie again. 

super-2013

By now, I wasn’t expecting anything from Iron Man 3. I watched it, I liked it, the fire breathing scene was cool but that’s it. The same goes for The Wolverine, too. I wanted to like it, I was sad because Aronofsky dropped out. It was quite meh, again. Thor was actually a Loki sequel. Better than other Marvel ones. Sorry Kick-Ass 2. You’re still out. Heh, Man of Steel? This is were I’m totally biased. Every critic ever bashed it for being dark. Not being our usual boy scout and even some thought it was a Superman film created by people who doesn’t like Superman. I don’t care. I watched it again about a month ago and it’s still amazing. Shut up. You’re the one being a fanboy.

Iron Man 3 and The Wolverine have on thing in common. They have the advantage of being better than their previous films. I especially loved how they used Pepper in IM3 and how the Extremis storyline played a role in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Also, I have to admit I enjoyed the Mandarin twist. At least how Sir Ben Kingsley played it. The Wolverine was much better than Origins and it obviously had a clearer vision of what it wanted to do with the character. And that scene where Wolvie has lots of arrows pulling him back in the snow is so good. If only they had the balls to make this an R rated film so we also had blood and gore and fucks all around. Thor: The Dark World was not a Loki sequel. But it understandably shone a light on a much beloved character. But it still did justice to others, unlike, say, The Dark Knight (hehe!). I have to say I love even the smallest character in this movie and Kat Dennings is the best comic relief a movie might have. Kick-Ass 2 was not as good as the first and watching Jim Carrey dissing his own movie was more fun to watch. Still, I enjoyed it plenty. Man of Steel was another failed attempt to create a DC cinematic universe. I was so hyped for the movie after seeing the trailer. Henry Cavill is a perfect casting choice for Superman (but not Clark Kent) and the costume is great. But copying the formula of Nolan’s Bat trilogy failed miserably here. Supes is not a dark and realistic character like Bats. He should not be this emo, this serious, this violent, this careless, this murderous. I know, filmmakers can adapt the character however they want, but would it kill them to make a good movie in the process? One that do not mess up its’ chronology just to look smart and prevent the audience making any emotional connection with its’ main character? I understand why Warner shows a vote of mistrust by adding Batman, Wonder Woman and Aquaman to the sequel. I am sad for Cavill and his Man of Steel (c’mon people, it is fucking Superman, say his name!). And I’m afraid Warner’s backwards franchise building will fail miserably. We’ll see. You’ll hear my sinister laughs from Krypton when the day comes.

super-2014

My posts regarding Cap 2 and Amazing Spidey 2 can be found if you click on them, but long story short, I liked Cap 2 quite well and Amazing Spidey 2 not that much. X-Men: Days of Future Past was great but X-Men: First Class was better. (another honorable mention for the Quicksilver scene. X2’s Nightcrawler and this are the best careographed scenes ever.) My editor over there would change all my sentences to juvenile jokes if I ever say anything bad about the Guardians of the Galaxy and I’ll watch its’ first twenty minutes this week on a special screening, so I care a little. What the fuck is a Birdman?

Birdman looks cool and that’s all I can say. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was awful and fucking Sony didn’t learn its’ lesson from Spidey 3 and filled this bloated movie with unnecessary sequel-bait. I am really happy it failed at the box office and now Sony has to sit down and rethink its’ strategy. If only they took that awful director and writer’s hand off from my beloved Spidey. X-Men: Days of Future Past was good but my hype was greater than the movie was. They made some good calls, like basing the movie on JLaw, using the original cast as glorified cameos etc. but as a whole First Class was the better of the two with its’ confidence in itself and better story. Cap 2 showed just how good a Marvel movie can be and how brave they are with their franchises. Who would have thought two sitcom directors could turn out a movie this good? Yeah, Marvel did! You have your Snyder DC, we have them, James Gunn, Joss Whedon… You know, imaginative, actually visionary and brilliant writers and directors. Anyways, we are days away from Guardians of the Galaxy and I am already losing sleep over my excitement. I am a huge fan of Chris Pratt and I am treating this movie as a Firefly reboot. Rocket looks great, Zoe looks hot. And also, I AM GROOT.