#Game Watch_Dogs

If you know me in real life, you’re probably bored on how I like to obsess over things. This game, dear reader, is my pinnacle on obsessing over a video game. (As a new IP, so we’re not counting Assassin’s Creed) First, it took forever to download. Then, my computed needed to be x64 so I had to format my computer and reinstall a new Windows. Then, I had to download all sorts of updates and plugins and programs and stuff. After that, I had to update my graphic card again because of the optimization problems. Speaking of optimization, I played Assassin’s Creed IV Black Flag in Ultra graphics and played this in between low and medium with some lags. Yikes.

So, after spending three days trying to get the damn game work, only with huge frame drops in car chases I finally get to play it. I didn’t play GTAV and kinda not like Rockstar because of their refusal to accept PC GAMING AS A MASTER RACE but for a GTA clone, man, I loved Watch_Dogs.

The ironic aspect is I actually don’t like open world games that much. I like my gaming more linear. Most of the open world game’s side quests are gimmicks on poorly trials to extend the life of the game. (I’m looking for you Batman Arkham series with never ending boring Riddler quests..) With the exception of Saints Row IV I always tend to skip quests and focus on main missions. Not this time. Even strolling around to do some senseless stuff is amazing. First of all, if you ever touch a gaming magazine you saw some dude praising how lively a game world looks like and how the city life goes on and on. They never played this game. (D’uh, now they praise this too) I never saw a more alive world in my entire gaming history. People are jogging, sharing a McDonalds meal (Richer dude is eating hamburger and poor dude is stuck with French fries) Golden-painted street artists are standing still until you aim a fucking grande launcher at them, bored dudes playing with their football etc. and you get the hack their bank accounts, hack into their personal lifes and steal from some cancer patient and two-job working poor girlfriend’s all the savings for the medical bills just for the lulz and just be a general dick to everyone. You can blow steam pipes, create a mass blackout to city, change traffic lights just for your amusement and so on. I couldn’t do any main missions in days because of all the side stuff. This game is loaded. There are 100 check-in points all around Chicago so I probably never cared Foursquare in real life to check-in places, as much as I did in this game. There is a serial killer which you can search for, digital drugs trips you can play mini-games like Carmageddon, world destroying or being a stealthy fuck or jump around flowers. Those are small mini games (and I didn’t list them all) and there are larger side quests which include convoy shootings, (There is a specific road which enemies are taking and you get to kill them anyway you like. Bomb them, use environment to kill them or pull out your ye oldé assult rifle and shoot the fuck out of them) gang hideouts (be a stealthy fuck and kill everyone except the dude you want to punish. You can only put him out. When he wakes up with a killer headache, he will be all sad because you murdered all of his friends. Because THAT’S a better punishment than killing a guy, rite? Killing all his co-workers which he probably hated anyway) So in addition to best damn open world game I ever played (subjectivity, fellas) this game is also my favorite be a stealthy fuck  game.

I really despise be a stealthy fuck games. I mean what’s the point, in real world if we ever get to be in a shooting we already would be stealthy scared fucks who move by inch an hour. The main purpose of any game involving a pistol is pointing the barrel towards enemy and shooting like there is no tomorrow for my taste. I like my guns blazing. Watch_Dogs, however, is my favorite stealth shooting. Because it fucking makes sense. When you kill dudes with silenced guns, they make little noise so a random lady from two blocks away doesn’t lose her shit and calls the police. You don’t get a fucking silenced assault rifle for the 3/4 of the game so you’re stuck with a pistol you have to make your shots count. You aim for the head and run like fuck if you missed your chance. This makes stealth fun. Also you can hack poor people’s bombs (they can throw them out if they’re fast or more amusingly can’t and yell their friends to tell their wife they loved her. Fun) or communication devices (like a dog flute or something). Tons of things and unlockables. You can hack people’s songs through their iPhones for godssake.

I can’t praise it’s graphics due to horrible optimization problems but I liked all the hacking related stuff. Reading random people’s text messages, listening to their daily talks (usually hilarious) adds great depth I never saw before. The gameplay and story is fun, too. I seriously can’t understand people who somewhat disliked this game. (and on a not totally unrelated note, my mother yells me I’m a fascist when she’s angry with me) Even running away from ever-spawning police is something fun to do in this game.

I completed %76.9 the game as I write this and until Assassin’s Creed Unity, this is my Game of the Year. Deal with it. I felt bad after shooting a dude straight in the face who was at my mercy first time ever.

(Listen Summer Girlfriend’s Lost Boys. From in-game music. It’s amazing)

To decrypt this message use the app H_IDE by WATCH_DOGS http://bit.ly/11z2aZ2 and enter code:
░▒░  UXJDUOD  ░▒░

#Update #Games Assassin’s Creed Unity

10383595_1418592205089000_7754041152298682765_nMy Watch_Dogs gameplay suffers from frame rate losses and I’m still wandering aimlessly to complete more of the stuff. But for this.. I would buy tons of RAM’s if necessary. Also, I’ll probably end up buying HYPER NERD EXPENSIVE EDITION WITH STATUE PS4 EDITION for the sake of it and all of them McFarlane action figures, too. Heh, this made me buy a Lorde song already. Which was originally a Hunger Games OST. Assassin’s Creed + French Revolution. Make the sequel in Egypt or Japan or Space, This probably will end up my favorite Assassin’s Creed game, period.

Watch the damn Cinematic E3 trailer now.


That goosebumps, bro.

#Games Assassin’s Creed: Unity

Assasins-creed-unity-2I don’t get why everyone is against annual release of video games. You hold your breath for TV series, you hype for all the shitty reboots, remakes and sequels but games which take at least two years to create are the problem? Fuck you. You’ll play it, you’ll praise it and you bicker about the new one six months beforehand. This is dumb.

Since this is WAAAY to biased upcoming game post, I don’t think I need to say I adore every Assassin’s Creed game ever. I love everything (aside from listening people missions) about this series. Enormous data on historical events (especially on less read info articles you can select) lots of stuff to wiki-it to make sense and stabbing people. I waited for this new Asssassin’s Creed game since second one. “OOOh, Italy, huh? I hope they make French Revolution next” was my initial expectations from the series. We had Americas, we had pirate stuff and now we’re about to get French Revolution now. Fuck. Yes. I’m more excited for this than Batman: Arkham Knight.

#games South Park: The Stick of Truth

south-park-the-stick-of-truth-ps3-boxartHow do you like your humor? Do you think farting on an aborted fetus which also happens to be Nazi and zombie would amuse you? If not, you are already not the audience of the long-running TV series and ALL THE LARP-ing (live action role playing) in this game cannot make you interested. (Played Dungeons and Dragons in high school? Want to see something about LARP? Go watch Role Models again and stay away from Knights of Badassdom. It sucked even with Abed from Community and Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones) But if you ever rabble-rabble-rabble’d with your friends referencing the show and if you’re still in touch with those guys (chances are y’all are still immature pricks) call any of them and give this a weekend or less. Preferably with beer.

Did I say references? THERE ARE REFERENCES EVERYWHERE! Some of them are hard to catch if you’re not a devoted fan; some of them are still hard to catch even if you are a good fan. (I wikied a bunch of them on the go.) I am not arguing if the game gets the role playing game mechanics right or not but if one thing is certain, they somehow distilled 17 years of mythos in one single take. The gameplay is mediocre but taken as an interactive movie it is hilarious. No re-playability. For a game full of absurd shit not enough hidden stuff to explore. No gameplay affecting choices. If you expect a new Skyrim with lots of bodily fluids and crude humor, you only get the latter.

You can find Jesus in this game. You can summon him for spewing hundreds of bullets to your enemies but if you’re not a fan all you’re going to get wtf? expression on your face.

Recommended: Only if you like South Park